Asking For Money Without Feeling Weird

One thing to know about this page

There is no official source for how to ask a neighbour for forty dollars. Nobody publishes that.

So this page has one link at the bottom instead of a stack of them, and the rest is judgement rather than rules. Most pages on this site work the other way round. This is the one where being straight about that matters more than looking well sourced.

Before is a price. After is a request.

This is the whole page in one line.

If you say thirty dollars before you start, you have quoted a price. It is a fact about the job, like the day you are coming.

If you say nothing and then ask at the end, you are asking somebody for money. Same number, totally different feeling, and the second one is horrible.

So the fix is not a better way to ask at the end. It is moving the sentence to the beginning.

How to actually say the number

Three rules, and they are all about the shape of the sentence rather than the amount.

No apology in front of it. Not "sorry, I usually charge". Just the number. The sorry is what tells them the price is soft.

Say it flat, not upward. A price said like a question invites an answer to a question that was not asked.

Then stop talking. This is the hard one. The silence after a number feels enormous and lasts about two seconds. If you fill it, you will fill it by talking yourself down.

Here are sentences you can say out loud. Practise them once in your head, in these words.

• "It is twenty five for a lawn that size."
• "I charge forty, and that includes taking the clippings away."
• "For that many photos it would be sixty."
• "I do not know yet. Let me look at it, and I will give you a number before I start."

That last one is the one to reach for when you get caught out. It is a real answer and it buys you ten minutes.

When they try to pay less than agreed

It happens, and usually not because anyone is a crook. They forgot, or they decided the job looked smaller once it was done.

Say one sentence, in a normal voice. "We said thirty."

Then stop again. Most of the time that is the end of it, and they hand over the rest.

If they push back, you have got two choices and neither is wrong.

Take the money and do not work for them again. Small amount, not worth the fight, and you have learned something about them for free.

Or hold the number once more, then let it go. "I would rather stick at thirty, that is the price I gave you." If it still does not come, you are not going to win it by arguing at their gate. You are going to win it by not going back.

What is not worth doing is knocking money off and staying quiet about it. That sets the price for next time, and there is always a next time.

Asking for money you are already owed

Keep it short and specific. Long messages read as unsure.

First message, a few days after: "Hi, just about the two lawns on the 4th. It is fifty in total. Whenever suits."

Second message, a week later: "Hi, following up on the fifty for the lawns on the 4th. Could you let me know when works?"

After that you are not chasing any more, you are dealing with somebody who is not paying, which is a different thing and has its own page here.

Nothing in either message is angry, and nothing is apologetic. Both give the job, the number and a date. That is all a reminder needs.

The part nobody says

You are not being greedy and you are not being rude.

Every adult who has ever run anything has had this exact feeling. The number is not a favour you are asking for. It is what the job costs.

Say it early, say it flat, and let the quiet sit there.